Pet Collars And More

The creation of pets Where do pets come from? A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?" Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us." And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves." And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal." And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG." And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail. After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well." And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration." And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved. And God was pleased. And Dog was happy. And Cat didn't give a flip one way or the other.

This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being

2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,unless you can lie across the book itself.

3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least.

4) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.

5) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances.

Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them.

Note: This was not done on purpose (by the pet owner) and the cat is
> > fine and back to normal.
> >
> > ************************************************************************
> > "My sister-in law is from Oklahoma and has a slight accent. She has
> > cats
> > and when she lived in the south she would take them to the groomers and
> > have what is called a Line Cut. To her a line cut is when all of the
> > fur
> > hanging down below the cat's tummy is taken off (because it gets matted
> > or snarled).
> >
> > When she moved to Chicago with my brother, one of the cats fur got all
> > tangled up during the move so she took it in for a line cut. She was
> > quite surprised when she heard the price as it was twice as much as it
> > was down south. She confirmed with the groomer that he understood what
> > a
> > line cut was and he said "yes, I know what a LION cut is." It seems her
> > accent came out sounding like LION not LINE and this is how her cat was
> > returned to her. (see PHOTOS) She cried for a week...but not as much
> > as
> > the cat. It was November in Chicago and the cat needed all the fur it
> > had."
> >
> > Gas in car to go to groomers $ 4.50
> > Cat car carrier $32.99
> > Grooming fee $80.00

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre

little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am

forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope
of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my
captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on
their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt
to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my
confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is
and how to use it to my advantage