Funny Cat Stuff

 

 

The creation of pets

Where do pets come from?

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the
answer to "Where do pets come from?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with
us
every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it
is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will
be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so
that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how
selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will
accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of
yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged
his
tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the
Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be
a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my
own
name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved
them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

 

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said,
"Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen
like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has
indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will
be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion
will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are
not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

 

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's
eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.
 
And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.


And Cat didn't give a flip one way or the other.
 

CAT RULES

 Rules for Cats to Live By
 

BATHROOMS:

 Always accompany guests to the bathroom.

 It is not necessary to do anything.

 Just sit and stare.

 

 DOORS:

 Do not allow any closed doors in any room.

 To get door open, stand on hind legs and

 hammer with forepaws.

 

 Once door is opened, it is not necessary

 to use it.  After you have ordered

 an "outside" door opened, stand halfway

 in and out and think about several things.

 This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS:

 If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly.

 If you cannot manage in time, get to an

 Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug,

 shag is good.

 When throwing up on the carpet,

 make sure you back up so it is as long

 as a humans bare foot.

 HAMPERING:

 If one of your humans is engaged in

 some activity and the other is idle,

 stay with the busy one.

 This is called "helping,"

 otherwise known as "hampering."

 Following are the rules for "hampering:"

 1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being

 stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

 2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,unless you can lie across the book itself.

 3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least.

 Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

4) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.

 5) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

 

 WALKING:

 As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

 

BEDTIME:

Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

 

 

 LITTER BOX:

 When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

 

 

 HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances.

 

This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you

 have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will

 cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.

 ONE LAST THOUGHT:

 Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them.

 

 Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests

 

author unknown

Note:  This was not done on purpose (by the pet owner) and the cat is
> >  fine and back to normal.
> >
> > ************************************************************************
> >  "My sister-in law is from Oklahoma and has a slight accent. She has
> > cats
> >  and when she lived in the south she would take them to the groomers and
> >  have what is called a Line Cut. To her a line cut is when all of the
> > fur
> >  hanging down below the cat's tummy is taken off (because it gets matted
> >  or snarled).
> >
> >  When she moved to Chicago with my brother, one of the cats fur got all
> >  tangled up during the move so she took it in for a line cut. She was
> >  quite surprised when she heard the price as it was twice as much as it
> >  was down south. She confirmed with the groomer that he understood what
> > a
> >  line cut was and he said "yes, I know what a LION cut is." It seems her
> >  accent came out sounding like LION not LINE and this is how her cat was
> >  returned to her.  (see PHOTOS) She cried for a week...but not as much
> > as
> >  the cat. It was November in Chicago and the cat needed all the fur it
> >  had."
> >
> >  Gas in car to go to groomers  $ 4.50
> >  Cat car carrier                     $32.99
> >  Grooming fee                        $80.00

> >  Getting the look from one seriously pissed off cat Priceless!